Tunes: Fleetwood Mac – “Greatest Hits”
Booze: Negra Modello Especial (thanks to JoAnne for turning me back onto this stellar beer)
This is the first time I’ve opened up my laptop to write in almost a month. After those first few weeks of trying to force a square peg into a round hole, I realized that I needed to step away. My mind was going a million different directions and I was also being unnecessarily hard on myself. Friends and family joined me on the road for a solid three and a half weeks In August, too, and as I recall from my last rodeo, that always helps keep writing at bay.
The last time I sat down and wrote was while visiting Lassen Volcanic National Park in Northern California. I met a couple, Ronna and Mark, at the Butte Creek Campground and we shared some bourbon, mescal, and conversation over a fire one night. It ended up being one of the more thought-provoking conversations I’ve had on this trip and one where I was more candid than I’d yet been with “strangers.” We exchanged information and Ronna, a forensic psychologist, wrote me about a week later after reading through my blog. By the time I finally got around to looking at her email, I’d long since decided to put writing on hold for the foreseeable future, but her words, which were bold at times yet carefully navigated the right edge of appropriate, acted as permission to let it all go. Sometimes you can't quite give that to yourself.
Her observations strung together all of these disjointed thoughts I'd had about leaving Austin and the city-life routine I’d grooved out for myself, my forceful attempts at trying to get my head right about this trip, and dealing with the loneliness that I hadn't quite expected, all while trying to heal myself after a difficult breakup. For some reason, I felt like I had to jump back in time and make this adventure resemble 2015. I audibly laughed after typing this because it’s just so ridiculous. I’ll go ahead and save you the painstaking self-analysis and explore why that was in my own personal journal.
All of this is to say, it took some time, but my head is in a good place right now. I can honestly say it’s the first time I’ve felt truly happy and at peace since April. I have gotten my road rhythm down and am also on the other side of this heartbreak, which makes everything else brighter. I still have no idea what my voice on this blog is going to be, but I don’t care anymore. I’m gonna write what I write. I’m sure I’ll roll my eyes at it in a few years anyway, so what the hell.